Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
