the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
