States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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