she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
