I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize