hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
