hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
