My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
