We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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