The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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