I faked an abortion last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
