Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
