He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
