I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
