I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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