just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
