I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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