What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
