ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
