the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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