I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
