nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
