I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
