Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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