I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
