ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
