i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
