awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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