could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My vagina is officially offended.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
