Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
