Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
