I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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