They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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