3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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