I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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