Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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