i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
