I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
