I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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