yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
