who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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