You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
