I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nobody cheats on THIS.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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