There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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