I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
