I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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