new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize