it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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