I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
