Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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