so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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