cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize