Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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