I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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