If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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