guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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