I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
