She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
