On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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