Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
