I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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