If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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