my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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